my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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