After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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