he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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