They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
