I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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