the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize