When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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