you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
