Where are you?
In a non slutty way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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