I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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