We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's just like the Real World with babies
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
