well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
