I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize