I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
