i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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