Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
