I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize