I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
