No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
