I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
