all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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