so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
