barbara walters just said penis...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He passed out mid-signature
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
