is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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