i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
