she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
