she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I look better un-naked...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
