I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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