Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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