This is not my ceiling
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
