i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
