from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
