he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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