when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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