At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
