The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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