i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
