Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
