i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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