I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
