"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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