Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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