Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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