3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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