You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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