rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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