Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
