he wants to bone in the snuggie
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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