what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
