Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
