quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
