I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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