Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize