he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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