She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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