Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
