woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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