Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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