i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
