Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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