I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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