Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
