your room smells of hookers.
And success
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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