Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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