I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
