I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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