I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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