dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
