I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
